i permit you to call me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
