You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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