he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
