thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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