I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
