My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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