Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
