Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
