Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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