i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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