I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
