omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
