I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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