i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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