I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im holly from the hills drunk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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