I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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