The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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