All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
