He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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