You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
