is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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