i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The adults are the big ones right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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