I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
