I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
