Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
