Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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