1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
