I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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