I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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