I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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