i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
