can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
