Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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