direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
