I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
