i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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