i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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