I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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