I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
