i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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