whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
