She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
