If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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