Christians are straight up FREAKS
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
