If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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