smell my finger.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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