When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is my gift to your gina
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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