Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
