Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
