Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
